Car Crash Curtis, Med School Miracle Kristina, and Other PC Madness: General Hospital Two Scoops For the Week of May 25

General Hospital's Curtis Ashford has lost his mind. And we thought we lost our mind when we heard Kristina Corinthos-Davis say she'd been accepted to medical school. Molly also thought she'd lost her mind. Because Kristina has been accepted to medical school and nothing makes sense anymore in the land called Port Charles. So, let's dig on in with those two big scoops and unpack the weird and wacky week that was.

Pick a career, any career, on General Hospital

Josslyn is a spy and we don't know why | Image: ABC

Before we dive into Kristina's jaw-dropping, you-can't-be-serious med school news, we'd like to have a word about the potpouri of out-of-this-world career choices in Port Charles. Josslyn has been a WSB agent for a year and we still don't understand it. Also, that needs to end.

Willow has gone from school teacher to nurse to cancer martyr back to nurse and is now a congresswoman cause why not, right? Lulu is a reporter, something we never, ever understood. And a freelance one who can afford a whole house. WOW!

Trina, the art major, is now going to be a singer. (Really?) And her dad? Well, we'll have more on him later, but he somehow went from ex-cop to private eye to jazz club owner to corporate executive, and we still don't get it. But even those career choices are nothing compared to Kristina's latest gambit.

Kristina...Say WHAT?!?!?

Neither Kristina nor Molly could believe Kristinas news | Image: ABC

Kristina is going to medical school. We can say that a billion times over and it still won't make any sense. And that's because Kristina never graduated from college and if you never graduated college, then you can't go to medical school. The end. Except that Kristina is going to medical school and everything is upside down.

There were sooooo many different ways to have written Kristina off when Kate Mansi decided she wanted to leave, so why medical school? And no, just because a soap is called General Hospital, it doesn't mean it can send college dropouts to medical school. And being a college dropout is Kristina's entire shtick. She's the overachiever turned underachiever who realized she didn't need a big, fancy career like her mother and sister. Managing a bar was the life she had chosen and we loved that for her.

We just have to assume Kristina somehow earned an online undergrad degree in between getting expelled for an affair with her professor, moving out west to be with that professor, moving home and joining a cult, becoming a bartender, opening an LGBTQ youth center, and becoming an egg donor and gestational host for her sister and her partner.

After all, GH now wants us to suspend our disbelief and buy the story that Kristina studied for the MCAT in between tripping over a duffel bag and falling from a window into the pool while nine months pregnant, insisting on having Ava prosecuted for murder, trying to kill Ava by cutting her brakes but getting Ric's car instead, locking Ric in Alexs' basement tied to a gurney with a ball gag in his mouth, getting caught in a fire at Charlie's, and then re-opening it to be better than ever before.

Yep, Med School Miracle Kristina pulled off quite a feat. And we are sure she'll pull off another amazing feat when she returns from UCLA in a year with a new face and her medical degree. What should her specialty be? An OB, perhaps? Maybe a psychiatrist? (Remember how Alexis was ready to have her involuntarily committed a year ago?) We guess there are all sorts of future story possibilities here, but for now, Kristina is going to medical school and Alexis doesn't even know yet. Bring those scenes on NOW.

Curtis, sit down

Curtis needs to be brought down a peg or two | Image: ABC

Curtis Ashford is in the dog house with GH fans and we're not sure how he is going to dig himself out of this mess. He's been getting on our last nerve for...well, a pretty long time, as there is nobody as self-righteous as Curtis. Do not lie to Curtis to protect your child from a crazed drug lord because he will divorce you before you can blink. Jordan learned that the hard way and now she is learning that Curtis is out of his mind.

Well, everyone is learning that Curtis is out of his mind. Jordan can't quite bring herself to tell her precious Curtis to get a grip, but she certainly seems to be getting there. And that's because this man really seems to think someone else caused the accident that left Jordan scarred when even Jordan knows that if she hadn't leaned over to give her (not-so) irresistible man a kiss, none of this would have happened.

Curtis has decided that Isaiah Gannon is the only person in all of Port Charles and beyond who drives a black BMW because Portia likes him better than she likes Curtis. (And who can blame the woman?) And the way he keeps saying that Isaiah needs to pay for what he did to Jordan when nobody (not even Isaiah or Brook Lynn) did anything to Jordan is maddening and makes us want to hurl a pillow at him or something just to make him stop talking. Everyone is looking at him like he is insane because he is insane.

He is also not the good guy here. Curtis genuinely feels no remorse whatsoever for possibly destroying a man's career and being the reason a child couldn't get the transplant he needed without being transferred to Chicago. How are we supposed to ever root for Curtis in any scenario again? Sometimes a character jumps a shark and this looks like Curtis Ashford's shark jump moment.

Runaway teen alert

Welp, Rocco and Britt are out there on the run, but we didn't get to see them on the run. We did get a little video message from Rocco, so that was sweet. How clever of him to covertly send it to Charlotte's school email and then use a green screen to conceal his whereabouts. Rocco is becoming a regular WSB agent right before our eyes.

And Lulu? Yeah, this is your fault. While Britt absolutely should have said no to Rocco, she couldn't have spirited him out of the country if he didn't have a ready-made fake passport, courtesy of Mom and Uncle Ethan. So, good job there, Lulu. Maybe you should stay out of the search for your kid and let Sonny handle this.

And frankly, Sonny should have been the one handling this mess from the start. Not bringing Sonny in on what Rocco did and why Jason went to jail was just stupid. He has a vested interest in all of this and could have taken care of all problems before they became too much of a problem. Sonny has safehouses everywhere and the means to make anyone disappear who wants to disappear. Plus, Sonny knows all about Sidwell and Cullum, so he could have been helping all along.

As it is now, Sonny STILL doesn't know that Rocco shot Cullum. He just knows that his grandson took off with Britt, who has ties to Rocco and Cullum. So, he suspects Rocco's predicament is related, but that's where we have another problem in the biggest umbrella story we have seen in years.

Why Sidwell and Cullum are still walking free

Nobody can seem to catch Sidwell and Cullum but now they have to catch Britt | Image: ABC

Maybe it's been so hard to bring down the bad guys because everyone is working separately to do it and nobody knows who else is working on this and what information they have. There are Laura and Sonny, who have been working the Dalton angle, but now they are involved with the Rocco angle, and have no idea why. And now they are bringing Lucas into it.

Meanwhile, Lucas had been working on it with Jason and Britt, but then Jason ended up in jail and Britt ended up on the run with Rocco. That means Lulu and Dante are involved as well.

And let's not forget Carly and Valentin. Most people have no real idea where Valentin has been all these months and can't even imagine that Carly is somehow involved in this mess, but she's been in the thick of it ever since she donned her dark wig and giant glasses to visit her now-attic boyfriend in international prison.

Josslyn has been working on this as a rogue WSB agent who has basically been communicating with nobody and doing her own thing. That's landed her in Wyndemere's basement, where she can only communicate with Pascal and Cassius.

Maybe if everyone got together and caught up on each other's lives, Sidwell and Cullum would be behind bars by now...

But we want to keep Sidwell

Sidwell wants Willow to enjoy the quiet | Image: ABC

The thing is, we don't need two diabolical villains in the same plot. So, since Cullum is essentially a dispensable villain, we choose to keep Sidwell. For a huge reason. The man is hilarious. In fact, Sidwell and Willow need to take it on the road. The Sidwell and Willow Comedy Hour is always something to behold and they outdid themselves on Thursday.

Sidwell looked amused and stunned when Willow got in his face again, but he wasn't about to let her wake Drew up and let him live. Enjoy the quiet, he told her. And he had a point. While we do want this story to end, we can't listen to any more Drew pity parties. Sidwell doesn't want it, Willow doesn't want it, but alas, Drew is going to have to wake at some point. We just want Willow and Sidwell to keep going so we can remain entertained.

However, if Sidwell tries to kill Lucas, all bets are off. Do not hurt our precious Lucas, even if you are funny.

Speaking of funny...

Alexis and Ava took a girl's trip | Image: ABC

Alexis and Ava went on a road trip. How fun!!! While we wish we could have seen them in that five-star hotel room and on the Q jet, we had to settle for Ava's art gallery, refurbished to look like a Manhattan art gallery. Alexis is going to make Brook Lynn a mom, come hell or high water.

And Brook Lynn isn't about to let a little weeping Willow get in the way of that. When she put Willow on notice to end Friday's episode, it was everything we needed to see. Let the games begin right here in good ol' Port Charles.