Carly's Attic Has a Vacancy and Other Cullum Chaos: General Hospital Two Scoops for the Week of June 15th

It's been a good attic boyfriend run for General Hospital's Carly, but now her six months of having someone there to cook her dinner, pour her a glass of wine, rub her feet (we assume), and just keep her out of Sonny's hair is over. Carly is about to be left to her own devices, which is never, ever a good thing.

So, isn't it about time everyone start communicating, something we have pointed out multiple times before? Except for a few straggler characters, just about everyone in Port Charles is trying to bring down Sidwell and Cullum, even if they don't know what they are doing or don't know why. This is an umbrella plot that has ensnared just about everyone, but umbrella plots work best when the various characters involved aren't working in a vacuum. Instead, there are moving parts everywhere. And that's where we will begin this deep dive dig with our two big scoops.

Well, It Was a Good Attic Run

Carly and Valentin said goodbye | Image: ABC

So, Carly and Valentin just spent the last half year living together so they could clear his name, punish Jack, and get Josslyn out of the WSB, all while Valentin had to run up to the attic every time someone dropped by, for...nothing. (And apparently, EVERYONE drops by Carly's house at all hours and at all times. They always know whether she is in the kitchen or the living room, too, and even use the appropriate door.)

Well, we guess it wasn't for nothing because they seem to have fallen in love and Carly seems to have had the best sex of her life. But Valentin's name isn't clear and Josslyn is still in the WSB. Not only that, but she managed to get herself kidnapped and locked in the basement of a castle. But at least Jack is in a hospital bed, so that's something, right?

But in the end, Valentin is headed right back where he started as she turns himself into the WSB to save the world from certain destruction because Sidwell and Cullum essentially have Liesl creating some sort of nuclear bomb in the basement. Didn't Valentin already have to save the world when his wacky father decided to kill half the global population with a toxic agent in order to preserve Earth's natural resources, a la Thanos? What a busy man he is.

That means Carly's all alone now, which is never a good thing. She said her tender goodbye to her attic boyfriend, but if anyone thinks Carly is just going to sit around and do nothing while Valentin looks dapper in his suit confronting whoever the heck "Z" is, they have not been watching General Hospital for the last 30 years. Too bad Carly isn't the only one who is not going to sit around doing nothing...

Those Crazy Kids

Danny and Charlotte are ready to get themselves in more trouble | Image: ABC

So, Valentin takes off to Switzerland to save the day and somehow believes that Carly and Charlotte are going to just let that happen and return to their lives as if the last half year hadn't happened. Yeah, that's our Valentin. He is smart, but when it comes to women...maybe not so much. After all, he trusted Nina and look what happened.

Of course, Charlotte is not about to listen and stay out of danger. She was already outside the Q boathouse starting a fire (why she chose to burn things at a house that doesn't belong to her is confusing, but we guess that's neither here nor there). In fact, it looks like Charlotte just made all of Danny's dreams come true. He has been itching to join the mob and save his dad since Jason was hauled away to international prison in March.

Now, Charlotte and Danny can rescue their dads from the big bads at the WSB together. What an incredible bonding experience for the cousins who seem to have decided that dating is a good idea. Imagine their glee when they got a call from Rocco and they could do something adventure-y together, not even knowing that this was all part of why their dads are wanted men.

A Word About Willow

Jack was impressed with Willow | Image: ABC

And then there is Willow. She doesn't even know she is mixed up in the Sidwell-Cullum-Valentin-Carly-Britt-Teens-Build-a-Bomb mess. She just knows she injected Drew with some drugs Sidwell gave her and now she needs more of it, but Sidwell is a fugitive, so what's a girl to do?

Well, she can throw herself in the lake, of course. Because she had to do something, which is what she told Jack and Nina. Now, Jack is impressed with this tenacious girl, whom he knows shot her husband in the back twice. She might be more WSB material than Josslyn. Since it looks like Nina is Jack's new love interest, he should be quite at home recruiting his girlfriend's daughter into an international spy agency.

A Word About Chase

Chase needs to find a new home | Image: ABC

Kick him out, Tracy! Send him off to wherever Finn and Violet are living and just be done. It's hard to know who we want to punch more, Chase or Curtis. Both men have no idea how to stay away from their ex-wives, but in Chase's case, it's because he is just dumb.

Now, we have always had some questions about Chase's abilities as a detective, but not as many as we have had the last few months. At least Jordan wasn't trying to manipulate Curtis into doing her bidding during their emotional affair. Jordan had just never wanted the marriage to end, while Willow is the one who cheated to end both of her marriages because that is who Willow is.

And how does Chase not see who Willow is when just about everyone else in Port Charles can (except Felicia and Elizabeth, apparently)? This is why he needs the dunce cap and a one-way ticket out west. Cause yes, Brook Lynn, you can do so much better than this self-righteous dingbat who arrested Granny cause his wackadoo ex-wife had a boo-boo on her knee.

Let's Take It Back to Carly

Carly is about to cause more trouble | Image: ABC

We're sure Jack much more preferred his entertaining visit from Willow and Nina to his screeching visit from Carly. His ex is a mess and now he knows that Valentin is a mess too. Even Carly knew it was all kinds of dumb to call Anna's French mental hospital and pretend to be Kevin Collins. And now Jack knows that Valentin just does stupid things when it comes to the women in his life.

Like, Carly is great and all, as Jack said, so is she going to have to compete with Anna? Yeah. Probably. And Jack is going to enjoy it. But for now, Jack realizes Cullum knows all, and he doesn't even realize how much all. And that all comes right back to all that lack of communication. Cullum also knows who really shot him, so it's time for vacation.

Britt's Man Cold

Are Britt's symptoms all in her head? | Image: ABC

Hey, guess what, Britt? Your syringe contained saline. That's right. Saline. Not some special medical miracle drug that keeps all Huntington's Disease symptoms at bay. But that doesn't matter because Britt thinks it's a miracle drug, so Rocco found her passed out on the floor.

Since she has a fever, we can't be sure all of her symptoms are psychosomatic, so maybe Britt has the flu, perhaps? Either way, she is on the couch, convinced she is dying, so Rocco is convinced she is dying, as well. Which prompted Rocco to make a very bad move within minutes of Britt telling him not to make that very bad move. But it wouldn't be Rocco if he didn't turn around and do exactly what he was told not to do within minutes. He is much like Cousin Carly that way.

But at least we now know that Rocco has been off having the best summer vacation of his life. Of course, Britt would treat him to a trip in style. If ya gotta be on the run, then ya gotta do it eight. A beach house, palm trees, fresh fruit, surfing...so much better than being the cabana boy at the Metro Court pool, amiright?

The Mobster, the Mayor, Sidwell...and Ezra

Sidwell is going to use Ezra to do his dirty work | Image: ABC

Sonny isn't worried about Sidwell in the least. He indeed does have the information that Sidwell wants, but he may also have another hapless, unexpected hero ready to help. Will Ezra tell his new pal Laura all about the bad man who made him believe it was going to be a good morning?

If so, we may have yet another sting operation on our hands. Sonny would be super nice if he brought Ric in on things this time so his brother doesn't have a sad. If he does, will Alexis or Elizabeth pick up the pieces? That may be something Molly and Cody want to know...

Around Port Charles

Is this scene going to led to problems? | Image: ABC

Yep, it's going to be Alexis and Ric and Dante and Elizabeth. Lulu will have to find her own love interest because something tells us Cassius is on his way out. And is Drew on his way to being locked out? Is he going to go right back to being mean to Danny for no reason whatsoever?

Portia, good on you for giving away that chair. Charity needs it more than Curtis. And no, Ethan is not Phoebe's father. We think that is pretty clear, as well. So, where do we go from here? Well, to Tortuga and Geneva and France and Jakarta. That's where all our friends are, so maybe this years-long Pikeman story can finally come to an end.