General Hospital Two Scoops For the Week of March 2: Avenger Barbie reveals her real mission...and it's bananas

Welp, General Hospital fans, little Josslyn Jacks finally had to answer to her mother —and it was glorious. Our intrepid junior super spy let loose, first in Carly's attic, and then in Carly's kitchen, and all we could do was eat our proverbial popcorn, sip on our Diet Cokes, and watch it go down. Josslyn even revealed her real reason for joining the WSB, which was enough to do a Diet Coke spit take. And that's where our tale begins, so let's dig in with our two scoops and unpack one doozy of a week in Port Charles.

The super spy's Sonny obsession

Josslyn sure surprised Carly — and us | Image: ABC

After a year as the most unlikely super spy we have ever seen on soaps, Josslyn Jacks has finally revealed her real reason for deciding to "join" the World Security Bureau like she was rushing a college sorority. She wants to bring down that big, bad mobster stepfather who had sex with Nina while married to her mother after her mother kicked the mobster stepfather out of the house. This was after he spent a year with amnesia, presumed dead. Michael was big mad, but got over it (after a few years). Apparently, four years later, Josslyn is still smarting. Who knew?

Well, Carly knows now, and if she weren't so devastated after having such a blow-up with her daughter, she'd be scratching her head. Sonny? Josslyn turned to a life of murder and mayhem to bring down Sonny? Wasn't she over that? We guess not! But here's the problem.

While we certainly understand that Josslyn grew up watching her family suffer over and over thanks to Sonny's lifestyle, she didn't have a problem with any of it until Sonny cheated on Carly with Nina. (They were on a break.) That's when the mob life hate began. And she certainly can't claim that her goal is to bring down Sonny and anyone like him when she goes to Brick and Jason for help, seeing that Brick and Jason are Sonny's right-hand men and very much like him. All she does is sound utterly stupid when she says that.

Too bad Josslyn doesn't care because she straight-out told Jason what she was up to without a hint of self-awareness that she was telling someone just like Sonny, that she wants to bring them all to justice. Uh, what? Even her explanation for Jason being an exception made no sense. Well, Sonny manipulated Jason into joining the mob life when he was her age all those decades ago. He was young, he was vulnerable, and he walked straight into something that he couldn't break free of. Does Josslyn not know that the same thing happened to Sonny? Joe Scully gave him his first mob job when he was younger than both Josslyn and Jason were when they decided to change the course of their lives. Does she think this is Salem and Sonny just emerged from a pod? Obviously, something had to lead him to the mob.

Also, Sonny is not responsible for Morgan's death, so she needs to drop that line. Ava switched out Morgan's bipolar meds for placebos. An unhinged and unmedicated Morgan stole Julian's car, which promptly blew up. Julian's sister, Olivia, planted that bomb. Not Sonny. The end.

Here is the other problem we have with Junior Spy and her little spy kit, complete with zip ties. She's the real Britch. What the heck with her walking into Jason's coffee office and demanding Britt leave as if she had any say in the matter? We get that you're mad, Josslyn, but be nice, okay? Britt wasn't doing anything to you.

And the way she talked to her mother! Between Josslyn and BFF Trina, we wonder if anyone in Port Charles teaches kids to respect their elders. (We're also looking at you, Charlotte.) The only thing that keeps Josslyn out of the proverbial dog house at the moment is what her little kitchen tirade led to...

General Hospital's 'Caradine' is born

Well, that was a surprise. And here we were, so worried all week that Valentin would take off into the night as soon as Josslyn found him. Well, Valentin took off into the night all right. Right into Carly's bedroom. With Carly. (We are pretty sure Carly just had the best sex of her life. We're also pretty sure that Anna had the best sex of her life back in 2023.)

And that, good friends, came out of nowhere. I mean, it came out of somewhere because General Hospital had been building something for months. We just weren't sure what because we weren't sure how long James Patrick Stuart was going to stick around. Lo and behold, it looks like he's going to be going back and forth between Oregon and Los Angeles for the foreseeable future because he is in a brand-new pairing. And it's a pairing we never knew we wanted. It appears that the Internet has decided that Carly and Valentine's smush name is Caradine, so we are going with it.

Brook Lynn and Chase's baby is born

Brook Lynn and Chase are parents and they don't even know it | Image: ABC

Hey, everyone, Brook Lynn and Chase went out on a date. Their date was outside the studio at dusk, but we'll pretend they were in the park with a big building smack dab in the middle. They spot what they think is a dead body, but it turns out to be a pregnant woman named Delilah. The pregnant woman then dies during an ER c-section with Britt and Lucas in charge. The preemie baby will live, but she doesn't have a name or a mom. And Brook Lynn and Chase want to adopt a baby. Insta-Q, here we go.

Clearly, there is something else going on here and way more to this story than meets the eye. Delilah's tattoo is likely a clue, but we're not there yet. That doesn't mean the theories aren't flying everywhere. Could Nathan be the dad? Could it be the returning Ethan Lovett? Was Delilah in a cult like Willow? Is Delilah somehow related to Jacinda? We need to know these things, but all in due soap time, we're sure.

A dinner party at Wyndemere...Squee...

Sidwell and Carly are throwing a party | Image: ABC

Sidwell's throwing a party, everyone. A soiree, if you will. At Wyndemere. In honor of Lucas and Marco. Carly will be there. Jack will be there. Ava will be there. We bet Josslyn will be there too. We also expect Valentin to crash. Along with Britt and Jason. Will Jason go flying off the parapet? We are sure somebody will, or this wouldn't be a party at Wyndemere. Since Jason is set to end up somewhere other than Port Charles for a while, we predict he will be the parapet's sacrifice this year.

Willow at work

We only saw Willow on Monday, but we can never, ever, ever unsee Willow, heavy eye makeup and all, posing with a wheelchair-bound, locked-in Drew. The similarities to another well-known figure, but no fireworks are being set off as Willow takes her position as DC's latest congresswoman extraordinaire.

We also don't think Willow is going to take too kindly to Sidwell pushing her around. As she has said, she has her own agenda. Sidwell is just another man who wants to rule her life and Willow said she is done with that. She'd rather be the cult leader now instead of the cult member — and she is well on her way.

No-no, Lulu

Lulu and Nathan sure know how to be discreet | Image: ABC

Yeah, we didn't think so, Lulu. Did you? No, seriously, did you really think Maxie was going to jump for joy and gush at your news that you can't wait to get her husband into bed? There are just some things you don't do in life, no matter what. Even if your BFF chose another man, her back-from-the-dead husband is off limits. Just think of the awkward moments, and just think of Maxie's feelings when she sees them together.

And for two people who were determined to keep their relationship private until they could tell Maxie, they sure weren't thinking about privacy when they decided to make out in the hospital halls where Maxie's mother was walking around. That was decidedly NOT cool, Lulu. Maybe have more decorum next week when Nathan will surely be bummed that Maxie is putting a wrench in his romance. Sigh.

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