Lock Them Up! Curtis is Going to Jail...And So is Willow (Sorta): GH Two Scoops for the Week of August 10th

General Hospital presented one big life lesson this week: Don't get too big for your britches. (Not that Britch!) Because two characters who thought they were untouchable are decidedly not and learned that in a big way. One is going to Pentonville and one might wish she were going to Pentonville once the moving truck leaves.

There Was a Plea Deal, Curtis

Curtis should have taken the 8-month plea deal | Image: ABC

Nobody feels bad for Curtis. Except maybe Trina. Even Stella and Marshall seem to know Curtis deserved what he got, but wish it hadn't happened. And Portia just knows this is now going to cause more problems than it's worth. But the fandom? Yeah, lock that man up and throw away the key, at least until he learns his lesson. But if Drew's new-old attitude is any indication, the likelihood of that happening is pretty slim. And Curtis and Drew were BFFs once and may be again, so if Curtis emerges from Pentonville the same pompous ass he was going in, we will understand why Drew and Curtis keep gravitating toward each other.

But what was Curtis even thinking? He had a plea deal right in front of him that everyone from his lawyer to his father begged him to take, but Curtis couldn't even fathom that the jury couldn't see that Isaiah was the only person in Port Charles who drives a black German SUV. Isn't it obvious? Isaiah deserved to be punched and potentially lose his career because he drove his car on the road the same night Jordan couldn't contain herself and just had to kiss Curtis. Why couldn't a jury of his peers see that Curtis is an innocent victim just trying to get justice for a man putting his hands on Curtis' ex-wife's baby bump? Those heartless jurors just couldn't see what was right before their eyes...

That man was 100% positive that the jury was going to send him on his merry way to menace the town some more with his arrogance. The look on his face when the verdict was read was everything we needed after wanting to punch Curtis ourselves on numerous occasions over the last decade. So, bravo, anonymous jury.

The Other Pentonville Player

Let's not forget who's also going to jail | Image: ABC

While Curtis' trial felt like a Temu version of Willow's trial, complete with some of the same cast of characters in the courtroom and the witness box (and with the daughter of Willow's lawyer as the prosecutor), we didn't even get a trial for Sidwell, so we feel kinda gypped. That would have been so much fun, but instead, Sidwell took a plea deal, which doesn't quite sound like Sidwell, but at least we're pretty sure he is going to be Curtis' cellmate.

And oh, what fun that is going to be! And so clever too. It's clear that GH did not know the comic gold it had on its hands when it hired Carlo Rota to play a new big bad. Characters like Sidwell are designed to be short-term on paper, but when they are fleshed out by the performer, soaps always need to find a way to keep them. Sending Jenz to prison with Curtis is absolutely genius since they already have a connection via Jordan. Sidwell and Curtis in a cell might be everything we needed, so bring it, GH.

Willow Has a Personality

Willow's kids learned she is fun | Image: ABC

Curtis learned his lesson this week on the same day that Willow learned hers, but before Willow was knocked down a peg or 10, the viewers made a discovery. Willow has a personality and when she shows it, we like her. Even her kids were probably in shock because when has Mommy ever been fun? The queen of uptight sure loves kids, but apparently needs some MDMA in order to let loose like one. So, now that we know there's a whole personality under that rigid exterior, maybe we can see it more often. Just a suggestion. But first, Willow has to go home.

Willow Tait Comes Full Circle

Willow should feel right at home in her new prison | Image: ABC

The moving truck has arrived, folks, and life on Tracy's estate is about to get a whole lot more interesting. Now, we know that many fans were disappointed in the fallout from Michael finally (FINALLY! FINALLY!) learning that Willow was the one who shot Drew last fall, but this is honestly how it should be. Legally, Willow is off the hook, so what good would going to the police do?

He owns a media company, so he could blast the news out to the world and cost Willow her House seat (although you can get away with just about anything now in DC, so we're not sure shooting your husband is an impeachable offense at this point). However, Michael had a point that doing that would only hurt his kids, so why bother when he could make Wiley and Amelia happy and make Willow miserable?

Willow was also getting a little too big for her britches. She got away with shooting Drew, so she assumed she could get away with keeping him "locked in" with a paralytic drug for six months. And she did. Drew really is keeping his word and not sending Willow to the jail he thinks she belongs in. Will he be pleased to learn about the jail Michael has placed her in?

Willow is not at all happy about this, but she's sure determined to make the best of it. Hey, Chase, how you doin'?

A Word About Michael...and Jacinda...and Willow

Michael and Willow have chemistry to spare | Image: ABC

For the last year, Michael has pretty much been directionless, existing without a long-term love interest, which is just blasphemous for the child of Carly Spencer, Sonny Corinthos, Jason Quartermorgan, and AJ Quartermaine. GH toyed with a love triangle between Jacinda, Michael, and Kristina, but Kate Mansi's sudden departure seemingly led to the end of that. And then, Jacinda just faded into the background, so we knew she wasn't staying long.

But we will miss her and we didn't want to see her go, so who was she sacrificed for? Serena or Willow? Lucy won't give up her quest to send Serena after those Deception shares, but after resisting it since Rory Gibson's debut, we have to admit the one obvious thing: it's Willow. Michael belongs with Willow. Yep, she has done every horrible thing you can possibly do and can't remain faithful for her life, but she'll be right at home in Tracy's house, which was once Monica's house cause Alan gave it to her... (The one thing we always wanted and needed was another Alan and Monica, so welcome home, Callie 'Willow Tait' Miller.

The Other Criminals

Sonny and Jason are still calling it a day | Image: ABC

Curtis is going to jail for what was essentially a bar brawl. Willow is going to gatehouse jail for shooting her husband in the back twice and thinking that should earn her full custody of her kids. Sidwell is going to jail for being Sidwell, but Sonny and Jason, the two guys who have likely caught more bodies than any fictional character in all of television? They never want to go to jail again so they are done. There's a time in life when you just have to hang up your Glock and call it a day. So, what are Sonny and Jason going to do in their retirement? Import coffee? Work for ELQ? Fix cars? Rescue dogs? The world is their oyster and it's about time.

Drew Should Be in Jail

Drew's need to be a terrible person is his most overwhelming need | Image: ABC

We're pretty sure that getting beaten in jail for being dumb enough to take the fall for Carly's inadvertent crime is what turned Drew from a mildly boring affable guy to a man half the town wants to kill, but he really should go back there. Instead, he is a terrible person doing terrible things to children because he can.

How much did our hearts break for Scout when she cried to Rocco that her life was better before her awful father could walk and talk again? At least Charlotte is willing to do something about it. We don't care if it's fake evidence. Get him, Baby Helena, we're rooting for ya.

Just End Peter

Anna needs to stop seeing Peter | Image: ABC

And finally, we need Peter to end and will never understand why GH thought bringing one of its most hated characters back as a hallucination of one of our most beloved characters was a good idea. And Peter is not a love-to-hate kind of character. He is hate-to-hate. He was ill-conceived to begin with and when he finally died, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from the fandom's collective shoulders. There are some characters who should never have been and should never be. Peter August is one of them. And Anna deserves so much better than this. The end.

Till next week, Scoopers, when Peter will probably serve up some Corinthos Coffee and Sidwell makes a friend behind bars. Cheers!