The Faison Four — Cassius, Cullum, Chaos, and Confusion: General Hospital Two Scoops for the Week of March 30th

General Hospital is full of surprises...but maybe not. Nathan West isn't really Nathan West, you say? Well, knock us over with a feather because that couldn't have been more obvious from the start for a multitude of reasons, but now we finally know who this man is. He's Cassius Faison, Nathan's twin brother that we never knew he had. But Britt knew she had an extra brother out there and even inadvertently told Josslyn about him. And that is where we begin, so let's take those two scoops and dig right in.

Way too easy...the dead giveaway...

Cassius sure is fooling Lulu | Image: ABC

GH might be taking us back to that old soap evil twin trope we know so well, but that's why we love this genre. If you can't get a never-before-heard-of twin every so often, then what's the point of even watching? While we weren't sure if Nathan was a twin or a clone for the last six months, we did know that identifying him as Nathan within a day meant he wasn't Nathan. When has that ever happened on soaps before?

In fact, it was frustrating to pretend he was Nathan, but we went along with it, and now that it's over, we can start calling this guy Cassius. What a relief. Now we just have to suffer through all of these otherwise-savvy characters who keep believing that this guy with no curiosity about the last eight years of his life is their fallen hero brought back to life. They don't even question how he was brought back to life. Everything has just been accepted at face value, which is absolutely ridiculous. At least we have a new character to get to know, so we'll suspend our disbelief (which you have to if you're a soap fan) and not-so-patiently wait for some back story.

Lulu's just not very good at her job

Lulu's instincts are way off | Image: ABC

And what about Lulu? She's fallen for this guy, who is not who she thinks he is. She nearly destroyed her friendship with Maxie. She's had sex with this guy. He is the keeper of her Rocco shooter secret. And he's not even Nathan. Instead, he is working for the bad guys, and Lulu, who is supposed to have that reporter instinct, hasn't picked up on it.

We think Maxie has an inkling in the back of her mind that this is not Nathan, since she so easily blew him off for Spinelli and hasn't looked back. But Lulu broke a sacred girl code for a stranger and that's just not cool.

Hot mess Britt coming in for a landing

What we need are some scenes between Britt and Cassius, now that we know he is Cassius, since we are sure Britt knows exactly who she has been dealing with since the moment he turned up at General Hospital last fall. But first, Britt needs to get a grip, which will be easier said than done.

Britt's one heck of a hot mess, both physically and emotionally. First, she's such a wreck that she hasn't even brushed her hair in days. She keeps showing up to work ostensibly to deliver babies, but would you let that woman near your...well...if you saw what she looked like?

She also needs her Huntington's meds badly. We are still not sure whether she has Huntington's and whether her meds are just saline or not, but she needs them anyway. Her symptoms could be psychosomatic, so at least placebos would calm her down.

So, what now? Does Britt spend the next few months trying to figure out where Jason is when she doesn't have two WSB boyfriends? Maybe it's time she stopped resenting Carly and started teaming up with her.

The WSB boyfriends

We didn't see much of the attic WSB boyfriend this week (which gives us a sad, because Carly's attic boyfriend is the boyfriend we all need), but we did see the official WSB boyfriend, and it wasn't pleasant — for Jack, at least.

Carly ripped him up one side and down the other as she demanded he find Jason for her. We suspect there's a possibility that he knows exactly where Jason is and he is keeping the info from Carly for her sake, but for now, he just looks like a hapless WSB agent whose rookie recruit knows more than he does. Heck, he doesn't even know that Carly has been onto him for months and has been keeping Valentin in her attic since December.

But, he'd be more help to Britt than Brad at the moment, who just wants her to let the whole thing go. No, Brad, just no.

The WSB kids

Charlotte, Rocco, and Danny are utterly confused | Image: ABC

Poor Rocco. Poor, poor Rocco. All he can do is watch his brother and sister (who are cousins and kissing, so confusing) wrack their brains trying to figure out how Danny's dad managed to get himself into such a big mess when he's the cleanest hitman they know. But Rocco knows and Rocco can't say and it's killing the poor boy.

It was a nice touch to see the new version of the Three Musketeers on the famous footbridge Jason loved so well. It also wasn't lost on us that Carly and Valentin had an encounter on this bridge three years ago. Who knew then what would be for that chance meeting to discuss Victor Cassadine and tarot cards?

The WSB junior spy

Perhaps Josslyn should have a super spy job like Cat Greene on Days of our Lives. She is just an analyst who looks over evidence and data and figures things out. The ISA rarely lets her out into the field and with good reason.

That seems to be the perfect job for Josslyn. She seems astute enough to solve crimes, but when she is out in the field in action, it's just very ungood. Give her a WSB desk job where she can't walk into hospital rooms and screw up a good kill. She can't know if Cullum remembers seeing this odd girl standing over him, but when she tried to do the job again, Lucas walked in. Josslyn, this is not the career for you and we have known it from the start.

Pascal over the parapet, General Hospital-style?

Lucas' new life is going to be...interesting | Image: ABC

Things are getting really, really weird over at Wyndemere. For months, Anna lived in the basement doing Yoga and talking to Faison. Then, it became a party house during the blizzard with Cullum and Josslyn enjoying some booze, chess, and a charcuterie board to pass the time. Now, the only inhabitants will be Lucas, Sidwell, and Pascal. Oh my.

We did not have drunk, crazed, and heartbroken Pascal on our BINGO card for this week, but it's what we got. And we were just as stunned as Lucas. Who knew Pascal had it that badly for Marco? Honestly, Pascal can blame himself for Marco's death, since he ratted his love out to Cullum, so we don't feel sorry for him at all.

With all this Wyndemere weirdness, someone is going to have to go over the parapet at some point soon, right? Lucas says he is there to comfort Jenz, but we think he is there for a little amateur detective work that will surely end with a brouhaha and a parapet incident. Maybe Carly and Sidwell will have that dinner party after all...

Willow, they know what you did last summer

Willow, as she learned the truth | Image: ABC

Oh, that's right, Willow had us highly amused this week. As Nina noted, Willow doesn't quite comprehend the gravity of some of her actions. That was on full display as Nina's completely unhinged daughter kindly sat there and did her Congresswoman Makeup while telling her incapacitated husband how much she couldn't stand being anywhere near him.

But oh, those curious looks on her face when the braintrust that is Kai and Trina said a little too much, too often. How much more could those two keep saying the wrong thing and giving each other the "oops" look? Watching Willow put the pieces together and then watching her hear those two dopes LOUDLY talking about Willow the attempted murderer DOOR OPEN has us literally LOL'ing. Willow, you in danger, girl. But we think Kai and Trina are in even more danger. Till next week, Scoopers, to see if that is true.

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