The Gruesome Twosome Heads to Divorce Court: General Hospital Two Scoops For the Week of July 27th

And just like that...General Hospital's Gruesome Twosome is back and they're as terrible and terrorizing as ever. But this time, they get to do it War of the Roses style. Congressman Cutthroat and Congresswoman Willow are calling it quits, which comes as quite a shock to the confused and confounded citizens of Port Charles. What shouldn't come as a shock is...Drew is still ewww. Sigh.

In the Blink of an Eye...

All he could do was sit and blink "like a desperate idiot." So, now we know for sure how Drew felt all those months locked in. He felt like a desperate idiot, but he certainly didn't feel like he needed to reflect on what got him in that locked-in position in the first place. Yes. Willow is a cuckoo for Coco Puffs and had no right to do the absolute heinous things she did to him, but Drew certainly didn't wonder in the least what he might have done to send Willow over the edge she had been teetering on for years.

Nope, it was like the last six months had never happened. In fact, one could say if you blinked, you would have missed it because Drew Cain came out of his locked-in state the same way he went into it — smug, unhinged, and (as Salem's Susan Banks would say), mean, mean, mean.

We can definitely understand the need to go scorched earth on Willow. We've been wanting to do it since her cancer martyr tale, so have at it, Drew. But in all those months, he could not see how happy his daughter was to be with her late mother's family? He is STILL using Scout as leverage just because he can and we just don't get it.

Why? What pleasure can Drew be taking from this? What did Danny even do to him? He picked up Scout from camp and didn't tell him last summer? That's enough to try to keep this girl's entire maternal family away from her?

Drew's convalescence should have actually meant something. He didn't have to emerge from it as the affable guy he once was before his presumed death. He could still have a manipulative streak and even want to team up with the Qs to bring Willow down. That would make perfect sense. But to still be as cruel as ever for no reason when Jason even tried to offer an olive branch is over-the-top ridiculousness when we should want to root for him to get that "treacherous bitch."

Weeping Willow to Naughty Nelle

And Willow really is a "treacherous bitch." In fact, we'd wager to bet that she is even more treacherous than her twin sister, Nelle. People were onto Nelle pretty early on in her run. Willow still has way too many people fooled, especially Elizabeth and Felicia. And now Laura, too. Spare us.

Willow's whole self was finally exposed on Tuesday's episode as the Creature From the Black Lagoon...or rather the Quartermaine Lake...presented itself in her living room. From hysterics and tears to smirks and giggles all in one hour, Willow was exposed for who she really is.

That chameleon who grew up in a cult has always managed to adapt. From the schoolteacher to the nurse to the cancer martyr to the congresswoman, Willow has worn many faces and many hats. But the face she gave Drew when he tossed her phone back and when she dropped Lila's ring on the floor like it was nothing, was Willow in a nutshell. We're sure she could even take out Nelle if she had to.

Shoot Him, Jack

We must also give a shout-out to the woman who put this whole thing into motion and her new partner in crime. Bravo, Nina and Jack. If Jack hadn't been so quick to give up on finding his black box and hadn't called Willow to tell her, then Willow wouldn't have called Nina to fill her in. If Willow hadn't called Nina (and Drew hadn't ominously whispered in Nina's ear), then Nina wouldn't have had the ding-dong idea to shove Drew and his wheelchair into the lake.

Now, about the lake. Does the lake have magical powers? We knew Drew was regaining his strength, but he really didn't seem so far along that he could manage to unbuckle himself from the chair, swim to the dock, and hang on until Gio came along to fish him out. And why would Gio not mention this encounter till the next morning, something he did in passing? Huh?

But anyway, Jack and Nina are delightful, especially when Jack holds Drew at gunpoint and Nina tells him to shoot. That might have been the best moment of the episode and we can't say we would have minded because Drew was already getting on our nerves and he had only been locked out for an hour.

Hanging Up His Hitman Hat?

Jason has had enough of the mob | Image: ABC

Drew's twin brother made the rounds this week in quite a curious wardrobe. It hasn't gone unnoticed that Jason's black (and navy blue) T-shirts are gone. Instead, this is a man who wears buttons and collars, in black (and navy blue), of course. It's honestly kinda weird and we're not sure what to make of it, as it's so very Jason Quartermorgan of him.

And while Jason's twin brother needs to still be a terrible father to one of Sam's teenagers, Jason has decided he is tired of being a terrible father. Instead, he is going to the parent Sam thought Drew was and always wanted Jason to be. That means Sonny is going to have to have a sad. We expect he will put up a fight and put for a while, but Jason quitting the mob just makes sense.

He has been more Quarter than Morgan anyway over the last year; why not go (almost) all the way? We don't expect him to suddenly take up medicine in his 50s or become the new CEO of ELQ, but if it came as no surprise to use that Jason was going to quit the mob, it should not have come as a surprise to Sonny either. Clearly, it did.

Maybe Jason could have told Sonny this when they reunited on Tuesday, but we guess he didn't expect to find Sonny at Carly's house. And about that, with Carly and Sonny being (almost) the last people Jason told he was back and not the first, it should have been a pretty big hint as to what was coming.

Surprise, Anna

Anna didn't expect to see this | Image: ABC

We just love seeing people's reactions to Carly and Valentin being a thing because Carly and Valentin should so not be a thing, but they are such a great thing that we can't get enough of them. And they can't seem to get enough of each other. And now Anna even knows they can't get enough of each other, so Monday should be interesting.

And if Peter decides to stay out of this one, we'll be pleased. We don't need Peter. And we certainly don't want Peter. So, can someone else invade Anna's headspace? Anyone? We'd even take Faison himself over his melodramatic son.

Um, Ethan?

The Ethan situation is confounding | Image: ABC

So, what exactly happened here? Is this really the end of Ethan (again)? Did GH really hire an actor for three episodes just so Ava could have another man woo her and then run out on her before she could blink like a common Drew Cain? (How ironic that Drew showed up right after Ethan bolted.) What was going on?

We don't buy that this was the end of Ethan's story because there are way too many loose ends with Phoebe's arc, but something is not adding up here...

Curveballs...

More Dante and Elizabeth please | Image: ABC

We love America's favorite pastime. And we even think we like Lucas and Joe together. Unlike poor Marco, Joe even seems to have a sense of humor that matches Lucas' sense of humor. Make them roommates. Please and thank you.

And do something with Elizabeth and Dante already because they are absolutely adorable together. Carly and Valentin were unexpected in one way and Liz and Dante are unexpected in another way. And an unexpected soap pairing is the best kind of soap pairing there is. More please.

'Till next week, Scoopers, when we see what collared shirt Jason wears next. A new day has certainly dawned.