Don't Take My Wife, Please: The Young and the Restless Two Scoops for the Week of June 15th

The Young and the Restless brought Jack, Diane, and Kyle back from Fairmont Crest and the crossover with Beyond the Gates this past week, and promptly tossed them into one of the show's standby plots -- a mysterious kidnapping!

From Fairmont Crest to a Mystery Home

Diane is being held captive by Dr. Laurence Markham | Image: JPI

Jack (Peter Berman) and Diane (Susan Walters) have been estranged for weeks, and then she went missing. Apparently, the two made up, traveled to Fairmont Crest for the BTG crossover, got along just fine (hey, maybe they were putting on an act?), survived the tornado, and returned to Genoa City, only to have Diane go missing again.

That's a lot to process, and if Det. Burrow (Matt Cohen) ever leaves the GCPD (that is where he's working now, right?), he could get a job with the continuity police. The case would be tied up in court for a while!

And here we are. Diane (who looked smashing in that blue gown she wore on BTG, by the way) is locked up in a mystery house, and Dr. Laurence Markham, played by Jere Burns, Walters' former co-star from the sitcom Dear John, is her captor.

But being kidnapped and held against your will by your husband's ex-wife's henchman is no laughing matter. Someone in Genoa City needs to set up kidnapping insurance. Let's look at the characters who've been imprisoned over the last few years.

Being Held Hostage

Claire attacked Nikki, but she was forgiven | Image: JPI

First, Claire (AKA Eve), played by Hayley Erin (ex-Abby, Y&R, remember?), kidnapped Nikki (Melody Thomas Scott) and fed her an IV of vodka! How evil! Especially as Nikki is a recovering alcoholic! Then, the rest of the clan was lured to the house where they were attacked by Claire's aunt Jordan (Colleen Zenk).

Claire learned that Jordan had been lying to her for all of her life, and she reunited with her family, including her mother, Victoria (Amelia Heinle), and Cole (J. Eddie Peck).

Claire's been embraced by the Newmans, and it's as if her wicked ways never existed! But Claire's not the only kidnapper.

The Psycho House

Sharon (Sharon Case) and Phyllis (Michelle Stafford) | Image: CBS

Last year, Sharon (Sharon Case) and Phyllis (Michelle Stafford) were kidnapped by unbalanced Martin Laurent. They were locked in a dingy room and were put through some ordeals, barely surviving. Interestingly, the bond they formed has been sustained since then. Who had money on that? Pretty much nobody, but Sharon and Phyllis recently bonded over their respective daughters, Mariah (Camryn Grimes), and Summer.

Can Dominic Come Out and Play

Mariah kidnapped Dominic, which hurt Abby and got Christine involved | Image: JPI

Oh, yeah, let's not forget Mariah kidnapping Dominic (Ethan Ray Clark) because the spirit of Ian Ward (Ray Wise) messed with her mind. Dom's kidnapping was more recent.

Abby (Melissa Ordway) and Devon (Bryton James) went out of their minds, worrying about their son, even after they learned he was with Mariah. There's been some nice conflict between them as Abby is leaning into forgiving Mariah, while Devon wants her to be kept away from their son.

Les Feux de L'amour (The Fires of Love)

Why are these people smiling when they were being held captive in France | Image: JPI

There was also Nick (Joshua Morrow) and Sharon being held captive by Cane's (Billy Flynn) henchmen. The closest we got to seeing the inside of his villa, or mansion, or wherever he was living, was a dirty closet.

Nick almost died after suffering an injury. Fortunately, Sally (Courtney Hope) used her training as a carny medic (something like that) to save his life.

And while the other guests at Cane's villa in Nice, France, weren't locked up in a room, they were hardly free to leave after a rainstorm washed out their path to freedom. Of course, they only had Cane's word that the weather had made their leaving difficult.

The Love Boat

Jack was trapped with Patty thanks to Victor | Image: JPI

Who else has been kidnapped? Oh, right. There was Jack when Victor had him taken and trapped on a yacht with Patty. It's probably easier to list the people in Genoa City who haven't been kidnapped.

And let's not forget about Matt Clark (Roger Howarth), who kidnapped either separately or in groups, Sienna (Tamara Braun), Noah (Lucas Adams), Nicholas (Joshua Morrow), and Adam (Mark Grossman).

Now, we're going to watch Diane be held hostage for between one and three weeks while Jack and Kyle (Michael Mealor) look for her.

It must be so unnerving for Diane to be separated from her family, being forced to interact with a doctor who, at best, is being easily manipulated by Patty, and at worst, does not have her best interests at heart, and who, at worst, is a severe danger to her.

We'd watch Daytime Emmy-winner Susan Walters read the phone book, but we might have to settle for her reading a book written by Alan Laurent, which she found on a bookshelf in her new home.

It's a Girl!

Diane had a nightmare that Patty and Jack had a daughter | Image: CBS

Wouldn't it be more interesting if Jack were feeling guilty about hurting Patty all those years ago when he jumped into bed with Diane while he and Patty were married? Patty miscarried Jack's baby when she ran from seeing Jack being unfaithful.

In a recent dream/nightmare fantasy that Diane had, Patty referenced a daughter that she and Jack had. Could Patty's "miscarriage" be rewritten as a "stillborn" who wasn't stillborn after all?

Patty's criminal antics have a finite life before the character is shipped back to the sanitarium. However, if she were the mother of Jack's only daughter, she'd prove to be a more serious threat to Diane's marriage to Jack.

It'd be tough to show this story in any existing flashbacks as different actors played Diane, Jack, and Patty back in the day. Plus, this happened in the early 1980s. Jack and Patty's daughter, if the writers went in this direction, would be in her early to mid-40s. She'd be all grown up!

However, there's always the chance that said daughter had children of her own, and Jack would feel a sense of loyalty to them. We hope. How is Allie doing over in London?

The title of this week's Two Scoops, "Don't Take My Wife, Please," is a play on the joke that comedian Henny Youngman (ask your grandparents, kids) used to say on the radio (again, ask your grandparents, kids). His exact words were, "Take My Wife...Please."

But what we'd truly like to see is Y&R take its kidnapping plots and retire them. They don't add to the shelf life of villains like Jordan or Patty (though Claire, Cane, and Matt seem to be doing okay), and we'd like nothing more than to see both Jordan and Patty be on the Genoa City canvas.